A Mom’s Midlife Crisis: Finding My Voice Through Writing

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall… Who’s the Most Panicked of Them All?

Hello world!

I’ve been spending a lot of time in front of the mirror lately, practicing my poker face. I’m trying to perfect the art of appearing unfazed when my two amazing boys, who are about to graduate soon (cue the waterworks!), finally leave the nest. Let’s be honest, I’m going to be a complete mess. I’ll probably spend hours crying into my coffee, wondering what to do with all my newfound free time. Let me introduce myself, my name is Shanon Burriss, and I’m on a mission to find my voice through writing.

The Empty Nest Syndrome and the Search for Self-Discovery

Have you ever wondered what life would be like after your kids leave home? Well… Lately, I have come to realize that this is a time for major changes in our lives, and for me, it’s also a time of rediscovery. Every time I hear one of my sons slam a car door, leave the house on their own, or the quietness that settles in when I’m sitting alone, a hollow feeling starts to creep over me. The older my kids get, the more I start to think, I have not worked toward anything for myself. Don’t get me wrong! My children are my biggest accomplishment, and I love them so much. I have no regrets about spending time and being there for them during their most important years.

However, there comes this time when you realize that soon they are going to be living their own lives. The amount of time you dedicate to caring for others throughout the day will diminish.

Your kids hit this age where you are non-existent to them unless they need something. I love my relationship with them, we have in-depth moments of course, but as teenagers they are discovering their own space, personalities, and lives. I started having more time alone and started wanting something to fill it.

Back to the Grind: A New Chapter, New Challenges

About a year and a half ago I decided to go back to work as a temporary guardian of tiny humans until I figure things out. I was already around children all the time, why not get paid for it!

I got pregnant with my first boy when I was 19 years old. So, I have extremely limited work experience. I chose that route for my life of course, but nonetheless, I need to figure things out now.

Let me tell you what, this change was so difficult for me! This may be widely talked about, but it was not a topic that was common knowledge in my world. At first, I was so excited to have a new routine, and a new purpose in my life. I really enjoyed going to work and feeling fulfilled and exhausted by the end of the day. However, that feeling began to die off soon after it began.

I started feeling like I was failing at every area of my life. My house seemed presentable to anyone who walked in, but it wasn’t as clean as I would have liked. I was so tired all the time trying to get everything done by the end of the day, while still not being able to check off all my boxes. On top of that it started affecting my sex life, mostly due to stress. I was still checking up with my children’s grades, but I felt like I was not as involved as I was before. Usually, I had everything done before they got home and had time just for them.Now, between my spacey chaotic brain and the new limited amount of time I had to get things done, I was lucky to remember to check grades once every other week.

The Midlife Crisis: A Time of Transition and Transformation

In all reality, things around the house are fine and still running smooth, but to me. They didn’t feel that way. As exciting as changes can be, in your late 30’s they are scary as hell!

While my little breakdown was happening, I was also struggling to learn how to re-prioritize routines in my life.

I also started to realize that I didn’t set myself up for having a career after my children were gone. My husband has been amazing through everything. He has taken care of the family for so many years, which has allowed me to be able to stay home. But things change. Times have been tough financially lately, and what little I am making as a substitute teacher just isn’t cutting it. I want to help my family financially and at this rate, I don’t see that happening. I want my husband and I to be okay later in life, or I’m hoping to be able to help my kids if they need it, because life is incredibly hard.

There are many jobs around town that I can get, but nothing that I can see myself spending the rest of my life doing. Let alone, with my work experience, there is nothing that will bring in financially what I would like to.

Back to School Blues: Finding My Way

About the same time that I decided to start working, I also made the decision to go back to school, to finish my associate’s degree. It had been such a long time since I’d been in school that I needed to reassess my academic goals. I didn’t know what I was going to do and had an extremely tough time deciding on what route I was going to take.

How do you know what you want to do for the rest of your life if you haven’t experienced anything? I also knew that I was too scared to do other career paths I was interested in. Some degrees were going to take way too long to finish, some had classes I had to physically take at the school instead of online, and I was already struggling with juggling my life.

I was enjoying being a substitute teacher and knew I would be good at the job. So, I decided to get my associates degree in Elementary Education. Fast forward through a year of being a mom of kids in extra curricular activities, being a wife, taking care of the house, going to school, and having a job full time… I did it! I graduated! It was exhausting and empowering!

Finding a Degree: The Challenge Was Not Over Yet

Now I had to think about continuing my education and getting my bachelor’s degree. This is where things really got complicated. You would think because I was already on the track of being a teacher it should have been an easy decision. During subbing I realized that I really enjoyed being at the high school more than other grade levels, so I needed to settle on a subject to teach in high school. That was easy! English. I love writing and everything about it.

When I started looking at all the degrees, I just kept thinking how much I really did not want to continue with teaching. I love so many aspects of teaching, but it was not something I was passionate about. I had no idea what to do! I didn’t want to waste time, or money picking a degree that would sit on my wall and be no use to me. I was also feeling very discouraged because of how late in the game I was starting all of this.

On top of it all, I felt that talking aloud to family and friends was setting myself up for judgement. Everyone in my life seems to just know what they want to do, or have things figured out. I did not understand why it was so hard for me.

The Age of Doubt: Can I Really Do This?

Let’s be honest, when you are nearing the end of high school and trying to figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life it’s hard enough. You think at that age that the older you get, the easier it would get. You would have things more figured out. That is not true!

The older you get, the more responsibilities pile up, and the more doubts creep in. “Am I too old to start over?” “Can I keep up with everyone in the class?” “What if I fail?” These are just a few of the thoughts that have been swirling around in my head. Not to mention, what if I don’t pick the right degree, or make the right choice.

It’s funny how we can easily advise our children on their future possibilities, encouraging them to explore different paths and pursue their dreams. Yet, when it comes to us, we often talk ourselves out of our own aspirations. We tell ourselves we’re too old, too busy, or that it’s simply not realistic. Hello… it’s me! I’m that person!

Breaking Free: Embracing the Leap of Faith

After about a month of going back and forth and starting to feel like an extremely indecisive person. I’ve decided to break free from those limiting beliefs. I’m stepping outside my comfort zone and taking the leap to not only get the degree I want to but to pursue the career I want too as well! This has been one of the most freeing and terrifying feelings I have experienced in a long time. I am absolutely horrified of falling on my face, but what is settling going to get me.

On and off through the years I have drafted short stories and started novels that I have been too busy and scared to finish. I love to write so much, and recently during my panic of finding a degree I wanted to settle on, I was talking to my sister about careers I could do as a writer. They all seemed so far-fetched, something that I felt was out of my reach to begin at my age. So, I sat on that dream and kept looking for something else. Then I thought… The hell with it. I have more determination now than I ever have before. So, I decided to go for it.

Taking You Along for the Ride

I want to use this blog to document my journey as I weave through the challenges of going back to school, learning the art of copywriting, and finding ways to support my family financially in the meantime.

I know I can not be the only one out there that is struggling with this time in my life. I hope my experiences can inspire you to pursue your own dreams, no matter your age or circumstances. It’s never too late to learn, grow, and reinvent yourself.

I’m excited to share this chapter of my life with you. We can do this!

P.S. I’d love to hear from you! What are your dreams? What challenges are you facing in pursuing them? My hope is to connect and support each other on this journey.

I hope this resonates with you!

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Topics I will be talking about are:

·      Career exploration tips and strategies

·      Motivational insights and personal growth stories

·      Tips for navigating the challenges of adulting and going back to school

·      Family life anecdotes, reflections, and ways to balance family and work life

·      Helpful tech and tools for aspiring writers

·      Book reviews to inspire and inform